hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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