apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
