'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
