highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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