so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize