Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
