He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
