Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
