I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
