EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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