u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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