god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
