I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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