We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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