I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
