best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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