I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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