I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
