uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize