Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I had to cum in my sink.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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