Everything about him screamed your future.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
