So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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