You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
