I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
