I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
