my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Randomize
