I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
