Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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