you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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