trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
