My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize