Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
