Betty ford says i'm here all night
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
