I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
