Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
