so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
