I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
