Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
