I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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