Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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