I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Quick, to the slutcave!
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
