we're chasing vodka with high fives
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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