You made me cry and you don't even care
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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