it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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