I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize