If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
