i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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