Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
