you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
