Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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