Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
