I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize