How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
