she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Randomize