I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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