just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
