Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
did i just pee glitter
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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