I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
