The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize