i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
