the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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