dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
