Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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