i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Bring me that man meat
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
